Happenstance
on the town
At the end of 2020, our wits collectively fried and no stable ground to be found, Netflix released a documentary series called Pretend It’s a City, made by Martin Scorcese about his longtime friend and universally acknowledged local treasure Fran Leibowitz. In a moment in history that severely lacked a shared sense of human reality in the moment it aired, the combination of these two icons’ gravitas and storytelling ability alongside their delightful remote press tour was a port in the storm.
Apologies in advance if you’ve heard me mention this before, but one of my most enduring pull quotes from this press tour comes up in my every day life constantly. Leibowitz, 70 in the year this series was released, was interviewed by Curbed as part of the press run, and they asked what she missed about New York that year, a year that had fundamentally changed the way we all move around and relate to each other (we being a city that is largely famous for the way we move around and relate to each other). Her answer:
“The thing I really, really miss, I have to say, is happenstance. I didn’t realize until the shutdown how much of my life was just running into people. There are a certain number of people I see by design, but there are tons of people that I am seeing all the time that I never made any arrangements with, and that is because I would see them at parties or at restaurants or at openings or at screenings or at museums or galleries, around town or even in the street! And that to me is another pillar of city life. And that’s gone, at least now. And that is something I really look forward to.”
Happenstance is the governing magic of my life, and the thing that keeps me sane. One of the things I miss most about being a kid in the age of TV and radio (versus Streaming and Streaming) is the experience of discovering new things because I didn’t chose every form of media I took in. When I was a kid, the TV and the radio were ubiquitous in everyone’s lives, and they were playing what they were playing (which was not always what you wanted to see or hear), and sometimes you’d miss half a song or the first five minutes of a movie, but you’d encounter it again eventually and you’d still enjoy it while it was happening.
I feel the same way about stepping outside. Running into people is the most delightful thing I can imagine, and when you think about the conditions required to create an unexpected run-in when everyone is so overbooked and curated at all times, happenstance becomes something like the divine. You tuned in at exactly the right time. You caught the song while it was on. The TV is playing your favorite movie tonight, right on time, right when you needed it.
Earlier this year I met Dolly Meckler, a multi-hyphenate with a newsletter called Scrollodex. I met her because I fan-mailed her after she ran a private tour of the Met ‘s visible storage archive for our friends at Rec League, which I thought was such a brilliant idea, and I had never heard of her before but then through happenstance met her in person very soon after in the living room of my old friend Batsheva. (Actually, after the Scorcese/Leibowitz series aired, Batsheva was the first person I ran into in my neighborhood through happenstance when run-ins were at an all time low–we rushed into each other’s down-swaddled arms in the middle of Houston like the cover of a romance novel.)
One of the things I like about Scrollodex is that Dolly has figured out how to talk about friends’ projects and introduce readers to new people without making it feel like a paid advert. As the weather has turned and everyone is emerging rabid from potentially one of the Harshest Winters of The Modern Era, the days have been filled with happenstance and magic, and I wanted to record some of it here, and maybe introduce you to some new things along the way. Who am I kidding, you probably know about a lot of these anyway. But indulge me this one time!
Last week I took a walk with my friend Bonnie Morrison, whom I first met when she contributed to Food Is a Mother, and I doggedly pursued her into friendship for an entire two years (it was a success, I bullied the universe into pushing her into my orbit and now we run into each other in the neighborhood all the time. Happenstance!). I love Bonnie because she walks fast and is down to take some pretty deep conversation dives from just after the moment you hug hello til she is still walking away, as she did the other night, still yelling back and forth at each other as we parted ways. Anyway, Bonnie is working on her book that comes out next year, and until you can purchase it you should subscribe to her Substack, Is It Ok?.
The evening before, I had been to the TWP studio for a Baskets for Breakfast weaving event and run into Aemilia Madden who writes Taste Bud (read her latest, My Body and My Wedding), as well as the editor/sculptor Joanna Nikas who is the person that turned me onto &Daughter (she was wearing the most beautiful slouchy v-neck that I lived in all horrible winter and is now on sale). I also saw Alexis Badiyi, style icon and perpetual bringer of good vibes. Erin from Underwater Weaving does these weaving events all over town, and it’s become one of my favorite activities to do with friends. You can talk as much as you want, and you still have something to do with your hands. Join her club!
That evening I also made it out to a Long Live EV Salon cocktail at Anais in collaboration with Tiny Spoon. This time of year there are always a lot of events focused on motherhood, which is so funny to me because parenting is a 24/7/365 type of job and I would be open to hearing about this sort of thing not just in May. But I also love an chance to run into my friends. Happenstance! At Erika’s event I got to catch up with Amrit Tietz from Spread the Jelly, and my beloved Mandela Cocores who runs the excellent postpartum meal delivery service Second Helpings (excellent baby shower gift, imho), and my friend Raisa Aziz who is one of my favorite people to go on art dates with.
Sticking with the theme of Mother’s Day, the next night I went to the launch dinner for Mavie, a new app designed around the postpartum experience, where I met Esther Perel, someone I quote liberally when discussing relational work, and got to see Clémence Polès Farhang, who created passerby here on Substack. Esther Perel had us ‘popcorn’ around the massive dinner table at Melanie Masarin’s apartment and say where we are with motherhood, and it made me realize how old I am. There were so many amazing women around the table who were about to give birth or had kids about to enter kindergarten, and it made me realize how quickly life changes. And how quickly mothers themselves change, myself included. Talking about motherhood is tricky because people are quick to discount you. It was nice to hear from Lauren Valenti and Gina Bruno and Carly Cushnie and Sarah Nsikak talk about their experiences candidly.
I started the next day with a super early walk with my friend Francesca Wade, who has just launched her coaching system called Perpetual Practice. She 1:1 coached me during the roughest months of this winter and I really admired the compassion she applied to meeting my more existential lifelong identity questions that were clearly surfacing as a byproduct of wintertime scurvy. Her method is great and pairs well with the return of sunshine and hope. On our walk, we ran into Maryam Nassir Zadeh (happenstance!), who gave me advice on attending Brimfield Market (have you been? I need tips). (That night I refreshed my The RealReal saved search for “maryam nassir zadeh shoes size 41”.)
The only person who could get me to midtown on a Saturday is my friend Tomi from The Black Beauty Club - she is getting ready for her first BBC block party on June 21st. The support landscape for Black founders has so drastically shifted (negatively) in the past few years, but I was left hopeful after unpacking it all with Tomi, a leader in this space undeterred and steady in her determination. We floated in the pool together at Moss, a new members club on 5th. On my way to eat an entire Balthazar seafood tower with my photographer friend Cynthia in honor of our birthdays, I happened to run into Kevin Greenberg of Space Exploration Design, who is helping the people at Drake’s build their new store. Camille Becerra held a hot dog and champagne party to celebrate the success of her Fully! Funded! Restaurant! Kickstarter! outside Jordan Ferney’s house in the village, but I couldn’t go because Mother Tongue Magazine held their Issue 10 launch cocktails at Lindquist Objects in Brooklyn. There I saw my friend Carrie Crecca Maitoza of RePressed and Tasnim Ahmed of Journal, two of the writers I enjoy most on this platform (probably because they are rarely trying to sell me something). tart vinegar did the drinks, the author Alexa Wilding was there, and I ran into the crafting genius Erin Boyle. Happenstance!
The next morning I squeezed in a coffee with Gabby from Activist Manuka, whose incredible line of skincare products are amongst my most cherished. Gabby doesn’t know this but her holiday card from this winter got me through the coldest NY months. It said: GIVE FREELY. I am trying! On my way to the train I got a crummy email that made me a little sad, and as I walked up the turnstile my best friend of 15 years came out unexpectedly, and I walked into his arms for a big unscheduled hug.
And at the Mother Tongue Magazine contributors dinner I ran into the poet Rio Cortez, the founder of Noihsaf Bazaar Kate, the photographer Sunny Shokrae, the writer Kate Branch, and one of my favorite people: Cassandra Welchlin of the Mississippi Black Women’s Roundtable, who I met last year through Erin Allweiss. I also ran into Mara Hoffman fresh off the heels of launching her creative studio, and having shot Jenny Slate for this issue. Happenstance!
At lunch today with my soul sister Tamu McPherson I ran into April Johnson of FlowerPsycho–she does all of the florals for Nine Orchard and many others, and she was dropping by to check on her arrangements. I met April for the first time when I was 21 (though I don’t think she remembers that), and have watched her evolve from a magazine editor to a clothing designer to a floral master, and I don’t think I mentioned one of the things I love most about happenstance which is the honor of witnessing everyone’s continued evolution at intervals, at random, on the street or in a restaurant, and thinking maybe they are witnessing mine too.
I hope I did this one dispatch in Dolly’s style right and it didn’t feel too out of pocket. Everyone I mention here is someone I want you to know about, and maybe if you find yourself in the neighborhood and run into one of them too, you will hear my shrill, overexcited voice saying “Happenstance!”
yours, given freely,
x Anja
happenstance is a huge part of why we are starting to plan our move back to nyc from la….
i could go into the details of comparing the two cities, but it suffices to say that happenstance is real life, and that’s what i want all around me!
Anja! I'm so glad we met. I love connecting the dots and introducing people to one another. Thanks for the kind shoutout <3